The Power of Hate

The world is on fire and much of this is due to religious and political indignation. It all seems to have to do with entitlement. Who is entitled to the Holy Lands? Whose religious perspective has a right to set the world’s agenda? Who has the right to decide what is right in America and to set its political and moral agenda? Amidst the many narratives human beings live by, which one will dominate the earth?

The problem with religious and political indignation is that none of us are truly righteous. We all have it inside of us to become like the enemies we hate.  In the human heart, hate always breeds and breathes an atmosphere of violence or disdain, even when it is birth in what we are prone to call ‘righteousness’.

As for the followers of Jesus, he urges us leave all vengeance to God. Instead, we are to follow his manner of life- to live a life of love, mercy and forgiveness. I always remind myself that Jesus never asked his followers to use violence in order to remove the evil Roman rulers from the land. Instead, he said: “If you live by the sword, you’ll die by the sword” and “love your enemies; do good to them.”

I read an interesting interview between Krista Tippet and Yossi Klein Halevi. Halevi knows the moslem fundamentalist mindset from the inside. Now an outsider, he has an interesting perspective on his former life. Reffering to the American goal of “hunting down” terrorists, Halevi spoke of how American efforts are doomed to failure, certainly against these current enemies. He said, “You can’t outhate a fundamentalist. They will win.”

And how do they win? In her book, Speaking of Faith, Tippet shares a conversation she once had with military chaplain, Major John Morris. Morris witnessed the awful days of fighting in Fallujah. Standing before the charred bodies of four American contractors hanging from the bridge across the Euphrates, Morris said that fury consumed him, along with the certainty that the people who did this did not deserve to live. “They were animals.” He would be the agent of God, the wrath of God. Then, something happened in Morris’ heart. As the conviction seized him, he understood that he was at an abyss that would render him capable of the very actions he hated. “God help me and have mercy on me,” he prayed. “Save me from becoming a debased, immoral human being, and save my soldiers as well.” One man’s hero is another man’s terrorist. 

When hate has taken hold of the human heart, it easily leads us in a direction away from life and distorts our vision of God and his ways. We must never surrender to the power of hate, nor the power of worldly power seeking. If we are to remain true to our calling as followers of Jesus, and, truly ‘humane’, we must surrender instead to the power of love, mercy, and forgiveness. We must ‘do good to our enemies’. That's the only way out of this mess we're in.

Fervent Searchers

Is it possible to be spiritually fervent and searching, to be both a believer as well as a listener, and to honor the truth of one’s own convictions as well as the mystery of the convictions of others? I believe it is. However, humility is essential if we are to live in this way. We’ve all seen that there exists a certainty (i.e. a ‘fundamentalism’) that leads to arrogance and a lack of compassion for others. Let’s have none of this. Faith must be graced with humility. Only humility allows us to love those with whom we disagree, thereby keeping our hearts open toward them. When we embrace humility, we actually make the world a safer place for others. (Buyer, beware! Living this way can make life more dangerous for ourselves- which may be why we rarely see ‘fervent searchers’, ‘believing listeners’, and those who are able to honor both their own convictions as well as those of others).

YOUR FATHER'S OLDSMOBILE

QUESTION: What's the deal with American church life these days? Sometimes it seems (AT LEAST TO ME) little more than an exercise in missing the point. Routinely hanging with God's people in nations far and wide, I can honestly say that things don't seem to be much different (i.e. healthier) 'over there' (though many missionaries talk as if they are- it is good for funding!). Why should things be much different? Hasn't the Western world has laid down the pattern through much of its mission work? 


ANOTHER QUESTION: Why does the American church function and 'think' (theologize) in a way that suggests that the living God stopped doing anything new or fresh after the Reformation? 


I agree with Brian McLaren and others: Faithfulness requires that 'everything must change'! The church is in real trouble if it does not change (*a change that starts with its self-serving leaders). I remember hearing a message by Tim Timmons years ago and I've never forgotten its title: "We're Only Talking to Ourselves."  I think that we preach to and serve ourselves- the way we do- because our faith is actually so weak and, we ourselves, though we will not readily admit it, feel so lost.


Recall the old ad campaign: "This is not your father's Oldsmobile." The campaign helped sell more cars for a season, however, the Oldsmobile eventually went along the wayside with other clunkers.  Some say that the problem was that the 'new' car truly was just like father's Oldsmobile.


For several decades now, my generation (the Baby Boomers- and after them, the Busters) have tried to convince our culture that everything 'has' changed with the church. Actually, all we did was dress up the same old Oldsmobile. We got rid of the big tail fins, added slick new wheels, leather interiors, and 'navigational systems'. BTW- What good is a navigational system if you don't know where you're going?


Over these decades while I've been in ministry, at least from my point of view, the American church (dare I say, 'we' go include 'me') has essentially been about promoting itself; letting the world know 'they' are 'lost' and 'we' are 'saved'; keeping the church coffers full so we can build bigger and more comfortable buildings (sometimes more attractive, funky, and high-tech, or 'buildings-that-don't-like-churches buildings'), bigger budgets and staff ('Staff'- the Professionals- e.g. media pastors (what the heck is that?); executive pastors (does that mean he/ she finally makes decisions?); Church CEOs (I cannot believe that some even dare use this title- though, at least they are more honest than others who act this way but never claim the title); more members and baptisms, and an array of other basically self-serving programs.  


It is curious that, under our last presidential administration, surveys showed that those who regularly attended church in America were more likely to support the idea of torturing our nation's enemies in order to get information what would keep us 'safe'. What's wrong with this picture?  I suspect that those who attend church regularly would also be more likely to say this about the present healthcare debate in our nation: "Why should we pay for them?"  Anything seem strange about this? Maybe Peter Rollins is correct when he suggests that there may be a certain 'fidelity in betrayal' (that is, betraying one's family to stand with those who believe something or live something closer to the truth). My wife just added: "You can dress up a corpse but it is still dead."




No. It is not about dressing up the old (or dead). It is about getting on to what Jesus wanted all along: a people he could call his own who are ruled by the inconvenient, messy, and 'selfless' rule of love.  "And love seeks not its own."


Well, enough. Gotta go. My Oldsmobile is idling out in the driveway.

Parenting, Head Drilling, and Shame-less Lov

A mother spoke angrily to her adult child, "I thought your father and I drilled that into our children's heads just like our parents did to us. I am very disappointed in you!” Then, she hung up the phone. Over hearing this conversation, I thought: "’Drilling’ for is wood, for finding oil, and for military and marching band training. It’s not the way to practice good parenting."

Parents must touch a child's heart with shame-less love. A comment like the one above only serves to distance one's child and cause a fracture in the relationship by bringing deep hurt down upon the child’s heart. This is really more about parent's own needs than the child's needs. It is really saying, "If I'm going to feel good about you, if you’re going to get my love, I need you to be just like me."

Can you see how this parent was employing shame in an attempt to bring about the change she wanted to see in her child? I’ve noticed that parents who see their role as "drillers" eventually become "shamers." It's the only thing they can fall back on when they discover that all their drilling just didn't produce what they hoped it would produce. No, we don't drill things into our children's heads. We touch their hearts with genuine unconditional love- a consistent love that hangs in there, no ‘strings attached’, a ‘shame-less love’.

A good deal of shame-based parenting can be observed among well-meaning people who call themselves Christians. This is often what the world is reacting against when it considers the message of God’s people. 


The fact is, shame never really gets a healthy response from anyone, let alone our children. This is because it is not possible for shame to foster depth in relationships of any kind. Shaming erodes another's sense of being loved- and love with what children and the world around us need. Shame is an attack on another’s ‘person’ with hopes of altering their behavior. It says, “If you want a relationship with me, you must change to get my love.” The response- if there is one- is simply that of another person either hardening their heart toward the one doing the shaming, or acting in an effort to feel secure once again in the person’s approval they have “dis-graced”. (Just think about that word for a moment).  One thing is for sure: if the person's behavior is altered in any way, it does not flow from a changed heart but from a exploited heart.

By it's very nature, shame always withholds love and invites the other to act in a way that will earn the right to be loved again. But this is not genuine love because genuine godly love is not earned- it is freely given. There is nothing of God’s love in this kind of business transaction.

A parent must continually demonstrate to the child that there is nothing that child can ever do or say that will turn away the parent's freely given love. This will definitely require a parent’s full dependency on God’s grace.

This kind of parental love requires that we handle our children with deep respect- respect for their questions (even the questioning of their parent), respect for their feelings, respect for their ideas (even when they differ from the parent), respect  for their differences (with the parent him or herself). Of course, as our children grow older, the differences become more and more evident to the parent. Though this can be quite disconcerting at times, a parent must never forget to Whom their child ultimately belongs.

Good parenting is willing to make a deep investment 'of time- over time'- time spent showing an interest in the child; time encouraging the child; time invested in praying for God's best for the child. I've found that prayer not only helps me see my child (even my adult children) with new and tender eyes, but it also helps me see myself and my reactions to them in a clearer light.

For younger parents, it might help to know from an older parent that a healthy relationship with our adult children starts when our children are very small. It can get more difficult as they grow and mature, especially in the adolescent years, however, the ‘welcoming heart’ of a child first opens when they are very young. The secret is to keep that door open as they grow into adulthood and never use shame to motivate them. Surround them with unconditional love, always keeping an open and tender heart toward them.

Of course, no one can love unconditionally all the time. It is a fact of our nature that we all blow it. When we do, we need to humbly admit it and then do the right thing by confessing our wrong and asking for forgiveness. Since more is caught than taught, how we respond to our heavenly Father when we’ve blown it may be one of the healthiest practices we demonstrate to our children. As long as we are they parent, they need to witness how we running after the grace flowing from God's heart.

By the way, the parent is also a child. That means our children watch how we treat our parents (whether they are alive or passed on). You've it heard: "What goes around, comes around”? God says something very similar: "Watch out. Have you not heard: You reap what you sow?" How do I as a parent want my children to respond to me? Well, I must treat my own parents the same way.

No. You cannot just drill things into a child's head (sort of reminds me of the old psychiatric practice of performing a lobotomy to a person’s change behavior or drilling in the cranium to let out the bad spirits). A better approach: Touch and nurture the child's heart with shame-less, never-ending love.

Love-Less Religion

There's so much shouting, bickering, & 'love-less' religion these days. Jesus showed the way of love. It's not doctrine, belief systems, or religious rituals that come to mind when we think of our Savior. It's love. He saves us through love, for love, & TO love. 'New Birth' is the birthing of a new lover. When it comes to doctrine, we ask the Lover of our soul, "What is the greatest command?" Sidestepping the question, he points us toward love.