Cold to the Bone

No matter what I did, I just couldnot get rid of the strange chill had descended into my body. Nothing was working to draw the coldness out of my bones- not closing the windows; not cranking up the thermostat; not even crawling under blankets. That is, until drew a tub of piping hot water and sank my frozen carcus into its deep, overwhelming heat. 

The process is called "heat exchange." When there's cold conditions residing inside a thing, overwhelming heat applied from the outside is sometimes able to penetrate its exterior to exchange its heat for cold.

Sometimes a chill resides in our heart and nothing will draw it out except overwhelming heat. We need a "heat exchange."

It is actually a work of God's grace when I sense that a chill resides within me. This is God's way of telling me that something is wrong on the inside and that He wants me to move toward His source of heat.

What are the heat sources God most uses to thaw out a frozen heart?

In my thinking, this is essentially the work of the Holy Spirit. The Spirit is God's Heat Exchanger. In most cases, the Spirit's presence must be invited and then received. It's like actively drawing a piping hot tub of water and then sinking deep down into it. To get all the coldness out, one must linger in the Spirit's presence.

One of the first signs that I've become inhabited by a frozen heart is when I see a lack of love and grace flowing out of my life. Unfortunately, others may see this before I do. Love and grace working in us also works on us, and... soon begins to work out of us.

Another sign that my heart lacks heat is when I no longer cherish or take time to meditate on the Word of God. Little by little, God's Word is able to melt the icy human heart. Cold hearts tend to turn a cold shoulder to God's voice. Once again, we must actively draw a piping hot tub of water and linger in God's Word.

So how's your heart today? Need a heat exchange? Take action and move toward a source of overwhelming heat.

Falling Asleep

Sleep has always been an interest to me. As a child, I'd awaken in the morning and try to recall the last seconds before fading away. I could never bring back those last few moments to find the line between consciousness and slumber. What's so strange about sleep is that you don't really know when you're sleeping until you're finally awake.

This is also true about spiritual slumber. You know when you're spirit is sharply attuned, conscious of God's presence, and filled with the wonder of life and grace, but you can easily go on dreaming all the while thinking you're awake.

Sometimes we sleep so deeply that we need someone else's help to wake us up. My daughter often sleeps through her alarm until I finally shuffle down the hall and call her name. God's Spirit has lovingly done that for me many a time.

The Apostle Paul says, "Wake up, O sleeper, rise from the dead, and Christ will shine upon you."

Parenting, Head Drilling, and Shame-less Lov

A mother spoke angrily to her adult child, "I thought your father and I drilled that into our children's heads just like our parents did to us. I am very disappointed in you!” Then, she hung up the phone. Over hearing this conversation, I thought: "’Drilling’ for is wood, for finding oil, and for military and marching band training. It’s not the way to practice good parenting."

Parents must touch a child's heart with shame-less love. A comment like the one above only serves to distance one's child and cause a fracture in the relationship by bringing deep hurt down upon the child’s heart. This is really more about parent's own needs than the child's needs. It is really saying, "If I'm going to feel good about you, if you’re going to get my love, I need you to be just like me."

Can you see how this parent was employing shame in an attempt to bring about the change she wanted to see in her child? I’ve noticed that parents who see their role as "drillers" eventually become "shamers." It's the only thing they can fall back on when they discover that all their drilling just didn't produce what they hoped it would produce. No, we don't drill things into our children's heads. We touch their hearts with genuine unconditional love- a consistent love that hangs in there, no ‘strings attached’, a ‘shame-less love’.

A good deal of shame-based parenting can be observed among well-meaning people who call themselves Christians. This is often what the world is reacting against when it considers the message of God’s people. 


The fact is, shame never really gets a healthy response from anyone, let alone our children. This is because it is not possible for shame to foster depth in relationships of any kind. Shaming erodes another's sense of being loved- and love with what children and the world around us need. Shame is an attack on another’s ‘person’ with hopes of altering their behavior. It says, “If you want a relationship with me, you must change to get my love.” The response- if there is one- is simply that of another person either hardening their heart toward the one doing the shaming, or acting in an effort to feel secure once again in the person’s approval they have “dis-graced”. (Just think about that word for a moment).  One thing is for sure: if the person's behavior is altered in any way, it does not flow from a changed heart but from a exploited heart.

By it's very nature, shame always withholds love and invites the other to act in a way that will earn the right to be loved again. But this is not genuine love because genuine godly love is not earned- it is freely given. There is nothing of God’s love in this kind of business transaction.

A parent must continually demonstrate to the child that there is nothing that child can ever do or say that will turn away the parent's freely given love. This will definitely require a parent’s full dependency on God’s grace.

This kind of parental love requires that we handle our children with deep respect- respect for their questions (even the questioning of their parent), respect for their feelings, respect for their ideas (even when they differ from the parent), respect  for their differences (with the parent him or herself). Of course, as our children grow older, the differences become more and more evident to the parent. Though this can be quite disconcerting at times, a parent must never forget to Whom their child ultimately belongs.

Good parenting is willing to make a deep investment 'of time- over time'- time spent showing an interest in the child; time encouraging the child; time invested in praying for God's best for the child. I've found that prayer not only helps me see my child (even my adult children) with new and tender eyes, but it also helps me see myself and my reactions to them in a clearer light.

For younger parents, it might help to know from an older parent that a healthy relationship with our adult children starts when our children are very small. It can get more difficult as they grow and mature, especially in the adolescent years, however, the ‘welcoming heart’ of a child first opens when they are very young. The secret is to keep that door open as they grow into adulthood and never use shame to motivate them. Surround them with unconditional love, always keeping an open and tender heart toward them.

Of course, no one can love unconditionally all the time. It is a fact of our nature that we all blow it. When we do, we need to humbly admit it and then do the right thing by confessing our wrong and asking for forgiveness. Since more is caught than taught, how we respond to our heavenly Father when we’ve blown it may be one of the healthiest practices we demonstrate to our children. As long as we are they parent, they need to witness how we running after the grace flowing from God's heart.

By the way, the parent is also a child. That means our children watch how we treat our parents (whether they are alive or passed on). You've it heard: "What goes around, comes around”? God says something very similar: "Watch out. Have you not heard: You reap what you sow?" How do I as a parent want my children to respond to me? Well, I must treat my own parents the same way.

No. You cannot just drill things into a child's head (sort of reminds me of the old psychiatric practice of performing a lobotomy to a person’s change behavior or drilling in the cranium to let out the bad spirits). A better approach: Touch and nurture the child's heart with shame-less, never-ending love.

No Mapquest For Life

It is in our nature to be dreamers and schemers. But it is quite a sobering thought if we believe Solomon's observation: "In his heart a man plans his course, but the Lord determines his steps."

We generally live as if we are in the driver's seat of Life. Dreaming our dreams and following our schemes, we are surprised when our life takes a sharp left turn or careenes out of control. Sometimes it  

doesn't seem to matter what we do with the steering wheel, we're just not going get this thing back under our control.

God reminds us that mysterious twists and turns are always waiting on the road up ahead. You can't just plug Life into Mapquest and get the most direct route. It is more complicated than that.

Perhaps it would help us to factor a few truths into our route planning. For example, none of us really understands all that God has in mind for us. Of course, He knows, but He's not telling.

Sometimes we're traveling to fast and we need to put on the brakes, turn off the engine, and just take time to listen for the voice of God. Often it cannot be heard over the roar of the racing engine.

At other times, maybe we may need to keep moving forward and simply trust God to guide us when it is time to alter the route. And what if we miss a turn? Like a good GPS, the Spirit of God has no problem getting us back on track again.

Surely it is good to plan, dream dreams, and live our lives as best we can. But we're not alone on this journey. God and many others around us want to participate in our travels as well. Certainly God won't make all of our daily decisions for us, but He does want to have His say. And let's not forget that there are good friends and kindred spirits who want to help us along the way.

Solomon saw that God has more to do with the outcomes, disappointments, and challenges of our lives than we readily accept. Factoring this truth into our plans and learning to relax into His loving grace allows us to live with less anxiety as well as less self-praise.

In the end, this is all a matter of trusting in God's good heart. He really does intend to do us good. God isn't like a man that He would make promises and then not keep them.

It was through sign language that the amazing Helen Keller once said, "Life is a daring adventure or nothing." Take a cue from Helen and dare to embrace the adventure of Life. Unlike Helen, you ARE fully able to see and hear. So be sure to check out the view around you and listen to the amazing sounds along the way, even when you're traveling down a side road feeling a bit lost. My friend, you may indeed be lost. Nevertheless, your God is never lost and He knows where He's taking you.

Welcoming Otherness

Something is being stirred. I am certain it is by God's grace. After nearly 30 years together, a fresh tenderness is coming through my heart toward the wife of my youth. It's as if I've been given new eyes to see her captivating beauty; new hands to gently hold her; new freedom to look straight into her soul beholding the wonder and mystery that resides there in her 'welcoming otherness'.

Once again, I realize that I can never fully know Rebecca. I can only love her, be received by her, and enjoy engaging all that remains concealed within her as someone distinct from me. This is the mystery of relationship- a dramatic parable for the 'welcoming otherness' of God- the God in whom we find a bottomless ocean of unending love, wonder, and mystery- both welcoming and residing.

It is easy to take for granted one's lover- whether wife or Savior. It is easy to live alongside of one who, in faithfulness, never goes away while missing the opportunity to look deep into the soul of the lover. It is easy to overlook Love's generous invitation; to merely glance in Love's direction never beholding its welcome to the deeper relationship of knowing yet never fully knowing.

Seasons like this remind me of how little I know about life and love.

Yet, this much I do know for certain: God's grace does not abandon me. The Chief Lover of my Soul is determined to give me new eyes... that I might once again turn and engage my Love. And when I do, He romances me and 'takes my breath away' with His 'welcoming otherness' that never forsakes me.*

* [the Biblical word 'holy' is rendered most simply 'other']

Soul Radiation

Light does not always produce heat, especially when you're in the shadows.

Under a brightly lit, cloudless, blue canopy, I peddled my way along the streets of the District to my favorite morning coffee shop. Uniformed city workers- shivering and clutching themselves- hurried along sidewalks to punch the clock and escape the frigid air. Cabbies outside Starbucks, paper coffee cups in hand, braved the chill, standing closer together than usual, in their ritual of friendship. Perhaps they were hoping to drink in warmth from bodies of buddies as well as coffee.

Dressed for the cool morning, I picked up my usual and headed to the quiet, urban garden where I often read, reflect, and pray. Even there, in this little city sanctuary, I thought I heard the clattering of teeth. Perhaps it was the trees neatly planted amidst cement pots shaking from the root.

Suddenly, everything changed. The maze of high rise buildings gave way to the Sun's warm rays- rays falling upon my welcoming skin and sinking deep into my limbs and bones. Ah, the welcome of warmth.

As I said, light does not always produce heat, especially when you're in the shadows. So, what are the things that turn up the heat in your life? What do you do to place your life in the direct rays of God? What are the things that keep you in the shadow -away from the warmth that melts your otherwise shivering soul?

Light is good and necessary, but it is not enough. One must step out of the shadows as well to welcome the heat. How else can we ever expect our lives to radiate God's love on the chilly sidewalks of God's world, as people around us hurry to punch the clock, or gather together hoping even the presence of friends might bring warmth to their clattering bones?